My favorite time for spontaneous grocery runs is on Friday nights. Few people go to the supermarket at this time, so I can usually get in and out reasonably quickly. However, tonight I was a bit off. On the occasions that I go to Stop & Shop, I’m usually there to buy only a few items (in this case, the necessary ingredients for this molten chocolate cake recipe and popcorn). However, this particular grocery run turned into a long and arduous ordeal. My mission was to procure three items: butter, popcorn kernels, and semisweet chocolate.
My first mistake was to challenge the system by traveling in a counterclockwise direction. The supermarket is designed so that patrons travel clockwise from produce to frozen food and then back to the cash registers. I decided to make a beeline for the refrigerated section. After traveling along the long line of cheeses and milks, I ended up in the butter area. In front of me were at least ten different types of butter and butter-like products. There was store brand butter, organic butter, all-natural butter, 40% vegetable oil butter, 60% vegetable oil butter, butter spread, margarine, butter in a tub, butter in stick form, you name it. And all were SALTED. In this whole display, not one of the offerings was unsalted. Thinking I had misread, I decided to go find popcorn and tackle the butter display later.
I ventured to Aisle 9, which proudly displayed “POPCORN/ NUTS” on the purple sign overhead. Much like the butter display, there were a vast number of choices, none of which suited my purposes. In my family, there’s only one way to go with popcorn, and it’s good old-fashioned stovetop popcorn, the kind that comes in a four pound bag of golden kernels. After searching unsuccessfully among the myriad microwave popcorn options, I asked an employee for some assistance. She suggested I try the organic section. Of course, the popcorn was not to be found there. At this point, I was frustrated and decided to break the news to my father that I failed to find the popcorn. “Ziv,” he lectured through the phone, “America operates on popcorn. If you cannot find the popcorn, you might as well shut down the supermarket and leave America.” Failure, apparently, was not an option. If I can’t even manage the supermarket alone, how will I succeed when I need to be completely autonomous?
I wandered through the store hopping from aisle to aisle, alternately checking the butter and popcorn sections to see if the items had magically appeared. After all, Friday night is restocking night. I probably covered 3/4 of a mile meandering through the store before I decided to start at the beginning, in the produce section. Lo and behold, I found the popcorn around the corner next to a lonely box of prunes, hiding behind the huge boxes of groceries waiting to be restocked. I paid for the popcorn and headed for Trader Joe’s.
Not counting the conversation I had with the friendly cashier at Trader Joe’s, it took me longer to park than to find the remaining items I needed. Overall, my whole Friday night grocery run took me an hour, forty minutes of which I spent at Stop & Shop.